I am unsure of what to do in my marriage.

Ask Dr. JeffCategory: Relationship AdviceI am unsure of what to do in my marriage.
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff asked 6 years ago

Felipe & Karen

MARRIED – 3 ½ years

Felipe:  I am unsure of what to do in my marriage.   Karen and I have lots of love in our marriage.  We are successful in our careers and are very busy in our daily life.   The problem is that our marriage seems to just become quite stale.   It’s not intentional on either of our parts and we are both contributing to the problem.  Do you have any ideas of what to do to turn things around?   Thanks for your help in advance Dr. Jeff.

1 Answers
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff answered 6 years ago

Dr. Jeff:  Great to hear from you Felipe.   I know it’s difficult to believe that being “unintentional” in your marriage can actually backfire.   Many times couples mess things up without trying to.   Often, you just get comfortable able put things on “cruise control.”    It’s easy to just get lazy in your relationship because you think that love will be enough.  Unfortunately, love will only allow you to ignore so much.   How much time do you spend thinking about your work vs. thinking about your marriage?   What would it be like to have an “intentional” conversation about what you are both willing to do to put more time and energy into you marriage?   I think it would be great for you and Karen to talk about all of the fun you had when you were dating.  What can you both do to recapture the spark, fun and excitement you once had?  It may feel like a second “job” at first but over time it will become less work the more you make the effort.   Creating change requires work but the results will be well worth it.   Good luck and let me know how things turn out!

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