Michelle & Tony
I’m so upset I don’t even know where to even begin. I just found out my husband of 8 years is a cheater! I was just telling my girlfriend the other day how “lucky” I was to be married to a devoted husband. Foolish me! The woman he is cheating with is a co-worker. Over the weekend, I went on our home computer and my husband had left his email open. I am not the probing type but it was right in front of me. So, I looked! It was almost like it was meant that I see it. You should see the pictures she sent to him. She is wearing lingerie and other revealing clothes. There were also some nude pictures. I haven’t said anything to him. I have been mean to him for the past 24 hours and he doesn’t know why. Dr. Jeff, your advice would be so much appreciated. I’m not sure how to approach this and can’t think clearly. I’m angry and feel so betrayed. Thank you for any words of wisdom you may have for me!
Michelle, I appreciate your willingness to be open about your difficult situation. The “reality” of finding out that your spouse is unfaithful is quite painful. I’m sure the past few days have been quite difficult for you. Keep in mind, by not saying anything, the pain will become deeper and nothing will be resolved. I encourage you to share your feelings and the depth of your sadness with your husband. It’s important to understand that it’s possible that your husband may give you an “explanation” and even deny what you have discovered. The best scenario is that he tells you the “real deal.” Either way, I really encourage you not to try and take on solving this problem on your own. We often see couples in our coaching program who have attempted “do it alone” and the results are usually not good. Months or years later the wound is still open and the issues are unresolved. It’s like having a deep gash in your skin and “hoping” it will heal okay. Dealing with what’s happen right away is really the best bet. The longer it remains unresolved, the greater chance is that things will get worse. Addressing the infidelity and the “bigger” issues in your marriage will be the key to moving forward (if you decide this is an option). The process of healing can take a while and I encourage you to be true to yourself and your relationship. Any decision you make must “make sense” for you and be a fit. Stay strong Michelle and let me know how things unfold moving forward.