Thinking about cheating…

Ask Dr. JeffCategory: Relationship AdviceThinking about cheating…
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff asked 6 years ago

We’be been married 10 years and over the past year or so things have not been good at all.  My husband is wrapped up in his own world and makes little time for me.   I have a co-worker who I’ve known for a few months who is showing me all of the attention that I feel like I am lacking at home.   I know that its NEVER a good idea to cheat but feel so empty and alone.  I tried to approach my husband but he does not listen.  He thinks I’m whining and complaining.  By doing this, he is pushing me further away. We have 2 children together so this makes things even more difficult.  I still have love for him but feel like we are so friends not lovers.   I don’t want to break up our family but feel like I need space.  I have never cheated before and now find myself in a place I never wanted to be in.   What should I do?      Laura L. (CA)

1 Answers
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff answered 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing your dilemma with our community.   From your description, you are in a very vulnerable and painful place.   Cheating on your marriage will bring more confusion and create the illusion of a solution.   You might feel good for a little while because you are being distracted from the “real problem.”  The result is usually more drama and more pain.   Also, how much does the “other” man respect you (and himself) if he knows your married and willing to be in a relationship with you?   The marriage concerns should first be addressed and resolved as a primary step.  If you decide to not remain in your relationship the next step is closure and moving forward.  Starting a new relationship while married is a recipe for disaster.  Have you tried to reach out and receive professional help? When I coach couples they are often at the “end of their rope” and feel quite disillusioned.  Once we begin to address whats “really” going on and find solutions it’s amazing to see what a difference it makes.   Are you open to seeking help?  If so, this would be the first route I would encourage you to take.   Open one door before you close another.   Take care of yourself and let me know how things go for you moving forward.

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