Compassion, Please!!!

Ask Dr. JeffCategory: Love AdviceCompassion, Please!!!
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff asked 6 years ago

Tori and Marcus

Married 11 years

Melbourne, AU

My husband is completely cold!  I don’t expect him to be warm and fuzzy all the time but a little “TLC” once in a while would be nice.  When we were first married we used to hold hands, hug each other and snuggle in bed.  Now, I think he is more in love with his football than me!   I even wore some sexy lingerie in front of the tv the other night and he asked me “politely” to move over as I was blocking the screen.  Really???  I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this as I am already feeling resentful and angry.  What should I do Doc?  I’m so frustrated!   (Tori M., Melbourne, AU)

1 Answers
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff answered 6 years ago

I appreciate your openness Tori and willingness to share your “stuck-ness” with our community!  I’d like to first start by saying you are not alone – many women I work with complain of the same issues during our couples/marriage coaching sessions.  They feel like they are in a “love-less” marriage.  Does your husband have an idea of what you need for your “love tank” to be filled?  Many men don’t realize that the “small things” add up and can make a huge different in a relationship.    I would like you to share with him 1 behavior (to start off with) that would help you add some fuel to your love tank.  Ask him what help fill up his tank as well.  The key is to begin with small shifts in a positive direction and build from there.  Tone of voice and the way you approach (non-verbally) your partner will make a huge difference of whether you plant seeds of change.  Have fun with it and remember that solutions will enter your life once you make room for them to happen.   Good luck Tori and let me know what happens!  All the best, Dr. Jeff

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