Amy & Peter
Married – 9 years
Amy: Hi Dr. Jeff. I really need some insight from you. I am feeling confused and not quite sure what to do. I think my husband is falling out of love with me. We have been married for 9 years and I can just feel that things are different then they used to be. He does not look at me the same way and intimacy has totally changed. I don’t even think he is attracted to me anymore. I asked him about it and he said everything is “fine.” I am not buying his answer and I think he does not want to hurt my feelings. What is my next step? I am sad and feeling so bad. Any advice you can offer would be great. Thank you Dr. Jeff.
First of all, thank you for sharing your story Amy. I know it is so difficult to be in a position of “not knowing” what to do in your relationship when you can feel something is wrong. I think it’s great that you tried to initiate communication with Peter and try to see if he would open up to you. Of course, you have no ability to get him to share. If I was coaching you and Peter the 1st question I would ask is how long have you noticed this “distance” in your relationship. Did this emotional separation just happen abruptly or is this something you have been noticing for years. The next step is to begin to explore how you “live” in your relationship. Are you spending time to nurture your relationship both inside and outside the bedroom. When you are feeling distant from one another how do you talk about what’s uncomfortable? Do you “sweep” issues under the rug or do you address them. In general, problems related to emotional distance and falling out of love are a result of ongoing issues that have been ignored. Until the “unspoken” communication your relationship begins to become spoken it will be quite difficult to initiate any meaningful change. It’s great to see your commitment in your relationship and remember that it ultimately takes “two” invested people to create a strong, growing relationship. Amy, stay strong and remember that the road to change is never easy!