Help! My boyfriend thinks I’m his MOTHER!

Ask Dr. JeffCategory: Relationship AdviceHelp! My boyfriend thinks I’m his MOTHER!
Anonymous asked 5 years ago

I am a very caring woman and I feel like my boyfriend is taking advantage of my kindness.   I love to take care of other and can be quite giving.  Sometimes to a fault.   In my relationship, I totally take care of my boyfriend.  I cook, clean, do laundry, etc.   I do everything I can to make his life easier but I don’t feel like he does the same in return.  I think he is taking advantage of the situation and has become too comfortable.  He’s really lazy and expects me to do things that are really his responsibility. I’m very frustrated and starting to harbor negative feelings towards him.  This leads to arguing throughout the week.   I really feel like his mother and I did not sign up for this! Please help Dr. Jeff.   

1 Answers
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff answered 5 years ago

It’s difficult to try and be your boyfriend’s mom, isn’t it?   Ask yourself how you began to take on this role.   You sound like a very loving, caring person and you express your love by trying to make the lives of people you love a little easier.  The question is, “How far do you go?”   Sometimes people who are giving have trouble deciding where to “draw the line.”  When you feel like you are being taken advantage of and not being respected you have gone too far!   You will be respected and treated differently once you become clear where that line “is” and how to communicate that to him.  Don’t be shy to discuss with him your expectations and what makes you happy.  After all, wouldn’t you agree that a relationship is a “2-way street?”  Its not up to you to ride in both lanes. Pick your lane and stay true yourself.  The result will be he will either respect you or will realize that he needs to find another mommy.   
Thanks for sharing your challenging situation with our community and let us know how things turn out.   – Dr. Jeff

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