My husband loves to work & I’m lonely!

Ask Dr. JeffMy husband loves to work & I’m lonely!
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff asked 6 years ago

Tammy & Miguel

Married – 9 years

Oh boy, where do I start?   First of all, I must say that I really love my husband and he has been the best thing that has every happened in my life.  We have 2 beautiful children and all of the “stuff” that anyone can ever ask for.  The biggest problem is I am so lonely!   Miguel is very successful in his business but he is almost never home.   I tried to tell him that I need him around more often and miss him but he just doesn’t get it.   I just had an argument with him which probably made things worse.  We no longer date or have fun.  It’s just the same boring schedule every week.   All I want is some TLC and passion once in a while.  Is that too much to ask?

1 Answers
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff answered 6 years ago

Great to hear from you Tammy and thank you for sharing our story.  It’s nice to see how much love you have in your heart for your husband.  Loneliness is often a result of a few different things.  Are you making time to create balance in your life when Miguel is not around?  Having a social life, career, hobbies and personal interests are so important for your own growth.  Relying solely on Miguel for your happiness and fulfillment is a the recipe for failure.   Your relationship with yourself will influence your relationship with him.  So, if you are not in a good place and feeling complete your relationship will suffer.   By no means does this mean that your point regarding Miguel working too much is not valid.  If I was coaching you and Miguel here is one of the questions I would ask:  “Are the hours he is working “necessary” to live the lifestyle you have created together or a result of him trying to avoid arguments with you?”   Work if often used as a way to avoid problems in a relationship.   The “underlying” reason for the work hours and connection to your relationship would need to be explored to truly understand what’s happening “behind the scenes.”   I encourage you to have this conversation with him and be open to what he shares with you.  Ultimately, the more “space” created to talk about this issue will allow the both of you to explore solutions together as a team.  Thank you for sharing Tammy and keep in touch!   

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