My husband and I have totally lost the excitement in our marriage.


Ask Dr. JeffCategory: Love AdviceMy husband and I have totally lost the excitement in our marriage.
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff asked 3 years ago

Sarah & Mark

Married – 12 years

Sarah: My husband and I have totally lost the excitement in our marriage. It’s just a day-to-day grind with no fun!   How bad is it?   Here is what happened the other day. John was watching a game on TV for hours so I decided to try and distract him. I put on some new, hot, sexy lingerie and started walking back and forth in from of the TV.   His response was, “Please honey, don’t block the TV.   Now is not the right time to ‘play around.’   It will be over in a little while, I promise.”   I said to him, “Are you kidding me!   You really don’t notice what I am wearing?”   I walked away and felt so bad.   He really cared more about what was on the tube than me. It was so upsetting.   Please help! I need to know what to do to turn things around.

1 Answers
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff answered 3 years ago

Dr. Jeff:   Laura, thank you for sharing your story.   It can be quite painful when you love so deeply and feel rejected.   First, I would like to compliment you on taking the steps to try to introduce change into your marriage.   It’s not easy to leave your comfort zone and try something new.   On the same note, timing is very important.   Introducing a little fun while he is in the middle of watching a game will usually lead to a “dead-end road.”  How often do you have conversations about what you both find “exciting” in your relationship?   Having fun together while you are both totally engaged is the 1st step to creating excitement.  When was the last time you had fun together?   Another thought would be to add a little spontaneity in your marriage.  Mix it up every once in a while.   A stale relationship is a recipe for problems.  Get the blood flowing and let loose.  Most importantly, remember that it take two to tango!

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