I just found out that Jean has been unfaithful and I am devastated.


Ask Dr. JeffCategory: Relationship AdviceI just found out that Jean has been unfaithful and I am devastated.
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff asked 6 years ago

Jean & Coleen

MARRIED – 11 YEARS

Coleen:  I just found out that Jean has been unfaithful and I am devastated.  I can’t believe that he would step outside of our marriage after all that we have been through.  I know there are no easy answers but I really don’t even know what to do next.   I believe that Jean will deny anything is going on but the evidence is really undeniable.   I found pictures on his phone and a text messages.   He works with this woman and he is her superior.  It’s not good.  I really want to stay in my marriage.   What should I do?

1 Answers
By Dr. Jeff KaneBy Dr. Jeff Kane Staff answered 6 years ago

Dr. Jeff:  Sorry to hear that you are experiencing such a difficult time in your marriage.   Finding out that your spouse is being unfaithful is quite painful and a very difficult reality to digest.   I want to first start off by suggesting that you meet “face-to-face” with a marriage expert  to been to address where you are and where to go from here.   When I work with couples in my coaching program and there has been infidelity there are never any “easy” answers.   Sometimes the more questions you ask the more irritated you become.   My first suggestion is to talk with your Jean about what you have discovered.   Secrets are poison in a relationship.   Open the conversation and express how you feel.   Introduce the idea of talking with a professional and beginning to address the deeper issues that led to the infidelity.   You will feel the need to probably “let off some steam” as you talk with him.  It’s perfectly normal to feel frustrated and experiencing a deep-rooted pain.  Just remember that you can only do so much to open communication.  The “underlying” issues are often very deep and take some time to be resolved (if ever).   Patience and time are key ingredients to change.  For now, I suggest that your marriage needs to get the help it needs as soon as possible so the healing process can begin.

About author