One of greatest “solutions” couples often practice in their relationship is ignoring what’s wrong. The hope or illusion is that the problem(s) will magically “fly away.” In reality, if a solution is not found, you will usually argue more or pretend everything is okay. Both alternatives will keep you stuck. The result is more distance in your relationship. It’s a terrible place to be. Especially if you don’t know how to find a solution that actually works. Of course, the only real solution lies in talking things out. Easier said than done! Here a few ways you can get the conversation started.
Solution #1: Really Listen
Simply, shut up and let your spouse talk. Don’t say a word until they’re finished. All too often I see couples complete cut one another offer midstream as they are talking. Just be quiet and let your spouse finish. Put your beliefs and judgements on hold and try to get a sense of things. How is your loved one seeing their world?
Solution #2: Don’t Be Judge & Jury
Who gives you the right to judge whether your loved one’s feelings are right or wrong ? It’s their feelings, not yours. When you discount how they feel you are saying you don’t agree with how they feel. How can you NOT agree with how they feel? If you think about it, this position does not make sense. You may not experience the world the same way but that doesn’t mean their view is invalid. Make room for their view and you will invite change into your relationship.
Solution #3: Create Space for Change
After you both talk, don’t attempt to manipulate your partner to do things your way. You are not a used car salesman/saleslady trying to make a deal. It’s not a competition between your view and your loved one’s view. Your relationship must find a solution that works well for both of you. One of the greatest challenges for couples is moving from an individualistic to a relationship perspective. It’s all about what works good for the relationship. Once you create space for a new conversation, your relationship will begin to change! Remember, you are on the same team. It almost sounds funny to say, but, you are in your relationship together. So, act like this is the case.
Are you ready to stop ignoring problems in your relationship? It’s never too late to introduce change and create a close, loving connection. Receive your free today of Dr. Jeff’s e-book and discover 9 Powerful Ways to Show Love in Your Relationship. It could be a great first step in beginning to head in a new direction in your relationship!