man is arguing with a woman who holds her hands over her ears, presenting the topic arguing in a relationship

Arguing In A Relationship – 3 Common Pitfalls

Arguing in a relationship day after day can be quite exhausting.   Have you ever feel like you are too good at arguing? Yes, you can get so good at arguing that it’s almost second nature to jump right in and take the opposing view.   How much energy does it take to continue arguing in a relationship day after day?   Maybe a part of you likes arguing or it’s just that you feel stuck and not sure how to escape the same.   Let’s look at some common pitfalls that stand in the way of you fixing your relationship (through my relationship coaching sessions) and change the conversation.

3 Common Pitfalls that will Increase Arguing in a Relationship

Pitfall #1: Pretending to agree

How many times in your relationship have you smiled and shake your head “yes” when you really meant “no”?   That’s right…you completed faked that you agreed!   Why did you do this?

  • Probably because you just wanted peace and quiet.
  • The problem with pretending that everything is okay is that you can become so good at it that you actually believe that it is a solution.
  • In fact, pretending just delays the inevitable.   Eventually, the problem will “pop-up” again.  It’s just a Band-Aid that will fall off after a little while.
  • Arguing in a relationship will only begin to change when the “reality” of what’s wrong is acknowledged rather then ignored.

Pitfall #2: Going along with the “program?”

The passive approach to stop arguing in a relationship to avoid a problem never works long-term.  You will end up being unhappy and become resentful.

  • It’s simply not a pleasant feeling living in a way that does not match up with your beliefs.
  • No matter how much love you have in your heart, ignoring yourself is a recipe for failure.
  • Going along with the program will lead to more arguing in a relationship (check out my relationship recipe webinar).   In the end, to be happy, you have to be you!

Pitfall #3: Sweating the “small stuff?”

Consider that what may be “small” to you may be “big” to your loved one (and vice versa).   It’s so easy to get lost in your view.   Simply said, arguments become repetitive because of a lack of respect for your loved one’s view(s).

  • Are you really hearing what your loved one is saying?  Until you hear what is being said the arguments will not go away.  A new day and the same argument is just not fun!
  • Spending so much time  “sweating the small stuff” will lead to you growing apart over time.  You will wake up one day and say, “What happened to our love?”
  • Arguing in a relationship is a result of failing to pay attention to the underlying issues.
  • Without realizing it, change can  happen so slowly that you may not even see it until it’s pretty bad.

So, why wait to make a change and stop arguing in a relationship?  It’s never too late to take steps to learn new and different ways to stop arguing in your relationship.

Your relationship is waiting for a change.   Are you ready to listen?

Dr. Jeff’s free monthly relationship advice webinars are a great way to begin to jump start change in your relationship.  Check them out today!

Do you have questions about arguing in a relationship? Leave your comments below!

About author

By Dr. Jeff Kane
By Dr. Jeff Kane

Dr. Jeff Kane is a Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Relationships Unscripted. Over the past 20 years he has helped couples re-ignite their spark, passion and have great sex in their relationships. Learn more about the couples coaching programs, free webinars and Ask Dr. Jeff your burning relationship questions at

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