It’s Never About the Trash: Common Relationship Problems (Part 1)

Common relationship problems can turn your close connection into a tailspin if you don’t know how to get things back on track. Of course, whether the problems are big or small it’s unrealistic to expect your relationship to be all wonderful, all the time.

Although that might sound depressing, facing and overcoming challenges together can bring you and your partner closer if you let it. Every challenge brings an opportunity to understand the other person better. Two of the biggest common relationship problems that can keep your relationship stuck are your assumptions and expectations.

Common Relationship Problem #1: Your Assumptions

Assumptions and expectations prevent couples from communicating effectively and when couples communicate effectively, they are happier.   Once you both let go of the belief that you each have super mind reading powers (which is really what assumptions and expectations are), the better communication you’ll have and the happier you’ll be.

The first is when one person assumes the other knows exactly what they want or need. For example, a wife assumes that her husband knows she would love for him to take the trash out because it’s overflowing and he knows how much she hates taking the trash out. She assumes he will take it out, especially if he loves her.

The husband on the other hand, could be so preoccupied with something in his mind that he doesn’t even see the trash or he did notice it and thought, “I need to take the trash out tonight but after dinner since there will be more trash.”

The wife is obsessing about the trash and when he’s going to take it out and he’s tucked it away to address later. Here’s where a common relationship problem often shows up. She’s thinking he’s an inconsiderate louse who doesn’t love her and he has no idea there’s a problem. His not taking the trash out becomes much more than an action he’s not doing, it becomes a character definition. “He’s so inconsiderate and clueless, he can’t even take the trash out and now I don’t feel loved!” This is the big problem with assumptions.

Read more in PART II as you learn steps in changing your assumptions…..

About author

Dr. Jeff Kane
Dr. Jeff Kane

Dr. Jeff Kane is a Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Relationships Unscripted. Over the past 20 years he has helped couples re-ignite their spark, passion and have great sex in their relationships. Learn more about the couples coaching programs, free webinars and Ask Dr. Jeff your burning relationship questions at

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