man giving a red rose to a woman, showing how you too can have the relationship you want

Have The Relationship You Want | Giver Or Receiver?

     Ready to have the relationship you want? The best advice in the world will not change your relationship

if you are more focused on your own needs and ignore your partner’s desires.   Are you a giver or a taker?   The way you understand your role will influence your happiness and your relationship.    In long term relationships, it’s a simple reality that couples who have the best sex lives “love” to give to one another.  Are you ready to have the relationship you want?  Let’s explore some of the ways you can keep your relationship “hot” and in the pleasure zone for years to come.

Key Ingredients To Have The Relationship You Want

Ingredient #1: Give freely with no strings attached.

Have you ever felt that you had to jump through “hoops” in order to have sex?

  • Yes, just like a puppy, you had to do the dishes or mop the floor just to have a little fun with your loved one.
  • Sex is and should never be “reward-based.”

As I share with couples I coach and provide relationship advice to, sex is a celebration of your love and connection – not a result or reward of being on “good behavior.”  You will never have the relationship you want if you are simply caught up in your own needs.

Ingredient #2:  Spice it up – It’s getting hot in here!

Are you waiting for your loved one to “turn up the heat?”   When you give you will receive more than you expected in return.

  • Remember that getting your relationship nice and steamy actually starts outside the bedroom.
  • The little sweet comments or sexual innuendos should start way before the lights go off.
  • A wink or peck here and there will make all the difference.

The key is to know what “turns on” your loved one so you can hit the switch with regular frequency to get things nice and hot!  A little spice will ensure you and your loved one will have the relationship you want and desire.

Ingredient #3: Give from the heart to have the relationship you want

Everything you do in your relationship does not have to be “strategic” angle.

  • Listen to your heart and the giving will be a natural extension of you.
  • Think about your love relationship and your strong connection.
  • If you think deep enough you should feel passion and this will “fuel your fire.”
  • Giving often breaks down when you are trying to find a point of motivation to keep you interested.

When giving starts from deep inside your soul it will feel natural and easier.  A much better flow will result and your sexual encounters should reach a boil in no time!

The act of giving never stops!  I often tell couples during relationship coaching sessions that giving leads to growing your relationship.  So, what are you going to do today to “get the ball rolling” in the right direction in your relationship?


About author

By Dr. Jeff Kane
By Dr. Jeff Kane

Dr. Jeff Kane is a Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Relationships Unscripted. Over the past 20 years he has helped couples re-ignite their spark, passion and have great sex in their relationships. Learn more about the couples coaching programs, free webinars and Ask Dr. Jeff your burning relationship questions at

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