Marriage Advice: Is Your SEX LIFE Horrible?

Does your spouse feel more like your roommate? If so, it didn’t happen overnight. Maybe it’s boredom? Lack of “sex drive?” Poor motivation? The list of “reasons” or “justifications” can be quite long.   The best marriage advice in the world will not snap you out of your relationship “funk” without some dedication and motivation! Yes, talking about change in your marriage is nice but “doing it” is another story. All too often we see couples that show up for help in our coaching program but are not ready to do the work necessary to change their relationships.   Talking a good game without any action is a complete waste of time. Don’t you agree? So, let’s talk a little about some marriage advice “action steps” that can help move you in a better direction!

Marriage Advice Action Step #1: “Plant the Seeds”

What kind of “seeds” are you planting in your daily life?   Often, couples wait until the bedroom lights go off to “get it on.” Why wait until its dark? One of the greatest misconceptions is that you have to create a perfect “night” so when you get in bed everything will be perfect. This is a faulty assumption! Flirting during the day leads to hot nights. The sweet, kind words you share daily lay the foundation for a fun filled intimate evening or mid-afternoon rendezvous. The small things add up. Don’t underestimate the hug, smile or sweet text. It makes a huge difference in what happens when the lights go out.

Marriage Advice Action Step #2: Water the Seeds

Complacency can breed laziness! Any marriage advice you receive will only make a difference if you practice it on a regular basis. Getting comfortable may stop you from “filling the tank” of love. You may have a nice car but if you don’t keep filling up the tank you will not get too far.   Same things holds true for your marriage.  Simply said, if you put your marriage on “cruise control” your relationship will begin to head south. Don’t be shy if you want things to change. Remember, the more you serve your spouse the better your marriage will be served. Spend some time talking over a meal or while in bed about your “inner thoughts and desires.” Let it all “hang out” and your relationship will benefit in a major way!

Marriage Advice Action Step #3: Add New Seeds Once in a While

If you are having trouble in the bedroom it’s a safe bet to assume that you haven’t created any “newness” in your marriage in a long time. Your sex life will hit a “ceiling” and stop growing if you don’t stay in action. What keeps your relationship “hot” at one point in time may not work years later. New lingerie, hot salsa music or bubble bath may be just the perfect recipe to keep you relationship fresh and hot! Plus, isn’t it fun when your spouse surprises you with something new and unexpected?   Keeping it fun will energize your connection. The “spark” will only stay alive if you nourish it on a regular basis!

Would you like to learn about some powerful ways to show love in your relationship? Receive your FREE copy of Dr. Jeff’s E-Book “9 Powerful Ways to Show Love In Your Relationship.”

About author

Dr. Jeff Kane
Dr. Jeff Kane

Dr. Jeff Kane is a Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Relationships Unscripted. Over the past 20 years he has helped couples re-ignite their spark, passion and have great sex in their relationships. Learn more about the couples coaching programs, free webinars and Ask Dr. Jeff your burning relationship questions at

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