Marriage Problems: Same Conversation, No Solutions!

Are you sick and tired of complaining about the same marriage problems day after day?   Same old conversation, same results. I bet you could almost guess what your spouse will say next as you “talk” with one another. It gets so old talking about the same “stuff.” In fact, it is downright tiring!   So, why do couples persist down the same dead-end road for months or even years?   Because they think they are “right” or what they are doing “makes sense.” I know it sounds crazy – because it is! Marriage problems persist because couples are “married” to the wrong solutions. They keep doing what doesn’t work with the illusion that one day something magical will happen.   What needs to happen to change this madness? Here are a few “roadblocks” that can keep your marriage from heading in a new direction and some solutions that can set your relationship free.

Marriage Problem #1: Too Much Complaining!

The reality is that marriage problems continue because couples engage in behavior that is familiar even if it doesn’t create change. Your marriage will never change if you spend most of your time complaining about what’s wrong. Why would it? Talking more about what’s wrong does not create change. It ensures that your marriage becomes more “problem saturated.”   I know it sounds crazy but it’s true! You actually get good at talking about what’s wrong. Once you identify what’s breaking down you can begin to find solutions to your marriage problems. The longer you “hang out” in what’s wrong, the longer you walk down the path of stuck-ness and away from the road of change.

Marriage Problem #2: Watch Your Language

What words do you use when you talk to your spouse?   I know it can feel exhausting when you feel like you are talking to a “wall.” In most instances, marriage problems can be avoided if you change your presentation.   How you approach the conversation can make a huge difference in the outcome. If you are going into things negatively, how can you really expect anything to be different? Your tone of voice is as important as the words you use.   How would you like to be spoken to if you were on the receiving end of the conversation? Softness and warmth can shift things, big time! Once you change your language everything will begin to shift.

Marriage Problem #3: You Don’t Believe Change is Possible

Do you believe change is possible? Marriage problems don’t go away on they’re own.   If you don’t believe that change can happen, you are setting negative thoughts and feelings in motion. Is that what you want? Once you embrace the idea that change is possible you are one step closer to moving in a new direction. I’ve never seen a couple create major shifts in their marriage until they were truly ready to do so. Your marriage will only change as much as you believe it will. Yes, it’s really up to you and your loved one. Believing in change will set the foundation for introducing new behavior in your marriage. Isn’t that what you want? Doesn’t your marriage deserve it?

If you are concerned your relationship is heading in the wrong direction, I invite you to get your free copy of my e-book, 5 Critical Signs Your Relationship is on Life Support! It provides great insight and solutions if you are feeling stuck and want to breathe life into your relationship.

About author

Dr. Jeff Kane
Dr. Jeff Kane

Dr. Jeff Kane is a Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Relationships Unscripted. Over the past 20 years he has helped couples re-ignite their spark, passion and have great sex in their relationships. Learn more about the couples coaching programs, free webinars and Ask Dr. Jeff your burning relationship questions at

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