Ready to Wake Up Your Boring Marriage?

How does a marriage become boring? Believe it or not, it actually takes work to create a boring relationship. You may already know some of the ingredients to create a boring marriage. Just in case, here is how you accomplish this feat. First, begin engaging in the same behavior day after day. Yes, never mix it up. Same shows, same food, same routine, same sexual positions. Simply stated, place your relationship on “cruise control.” Once you become nice and comfortable, ignore any possible behavior that may change your routine. Stay in your comfort zone. Resist the temptation to do anything different. Once you begin to feel your brain and psyche beginning to turn to “mush,” continue repeating the same behavior. Finally, “hold on” as you prepare for more of the same. Congratulations, your marriage has officially entered “Groundhogs Day!”

If this path sounds familiar you are not alone.   Many couples married for several years often reach high levels of boredom. The path to boredom is an exhausting one and will wear you down over time. You can manage discomfort for only so long before you’ve had enough. If you are at that point, you are probably feeling very frustrated and stuck. The good news is that being uncomfortable can be a ripe time to invite change into your relationship.  Pain can be a great motivator. Are you ready to leave this drudgery behind? Let’s consider a few ways to add a spark to your marriage before it simply burns out.

Solution #1: Mix it UP

Repetition leads to boredom in a long term relationship. Think back to when you were dating. If you were keeping things exciting, you were trying new things each time you went out together. Once you are married, you often stop doing all the “extra” stuff that kept the juices flowing when you were in the dating phase of your relationship. If you want to leave the world of boredom behind, leave yourself open to engaging in new experiences. The more ways you learn to enjoy your marriage the greater likelihood you will keep your relationship fresh. Maybe take a cooking class, yoga class or dance lessons. How about “skinny dipping”? The key is to have fun and let it all “hang out!” Give your relationship a chance to grow and explore one another in new and creative ways.

Solution #2: Surprises are FUN!

What’s worse than working hard all week and getting prepared for the same boring weekend again? Oh no!   When was the last time you surprised your spouse? Isn’t it exciting to NOT know what’s going to happen next? Let your spouse plan an evening away. Or, surprise one another with a new piece of nighttime attire (i.e. lingerie or silk boxers).  How about a fun evening of “dress-up?” Yes! You both pick out an outfit for one another to wear – be open-minded. If you want to get a little “frisky” you can offer a surprise that involves one of the favorite senses most couples love to use – taste.   Did you know that whipped cream is not just meant for decorating cake?   Yum, yum!

Solution #3: Let Your IMAGINATION run wild!

Over time, your imagination can begin to slowly drift away and you become simply boring. When you are falling in love your imagination can run wild! Lovers are often very creative and open-minded. Trying new and different things will make a huge difference in your marriage. When was the last time you engaged in some hot, sweaty dancing? Pick up a copy of Dirty Dancing and learn some new moves. How about “turning on” some stimulating music to create some fireworks when the lights go down?   Remember, there is always new ways you can get to know your loved one.   Are you ready for something DARING? How about a game of naked twister?   Use your imagination and be willing to take some risks. The rewards will be well worth it! In the end, you really never “run out” of options as long as you are playful and keep your mind “open” and be playful!

Did you know that the myths you carry about your relationship can keep it from growing? Get your free copy today of Dr. Jeff’s “5 RELATIONSHIP MYTHS YOU MUST KNOW!” so you can keep your relationship heading in the right direction.

About author

Dr. Jeff Kane
Dr. Jeff Kane

Dr. Jeff Kane is a Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Relationships Unscripted. Over the past 20 years he has helped couples re-ignite their spark, passion and have great sex in their relationships. Learn more about the couples coaching programs, free webinars and Ask Dr. Jeff your burning relationship questions at

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